I have been very weepy for the last two weeks.
Not long ago, a friend of mine was feeling a little hormonal and weepy. When she was telling me about it, she said that it made her cry to talk about the crying. I was sympathetic but I didn't get it. Why did talking about the crying make her cry? I still don't know the why but I know the feeling. Typing about the crying can (theoretically, of course) prompt the same phenomenon. I know that the tears, the emotions, can be blamed largely on the ankle surgery, the pain, the pain medicine, the disruption in my routine (I am a lover of the regularly rhythms of my life), the stress, the crutches, the frustration, the not being able to drive, the Little House on the Prairie reruns on the Hallmark Channel...And just as soon as I think I have figured out all the things that might possibly set me off, something new pops up.
I can acknowledge all these things and yet, I cannot put a cork in the tears. I can laugh about it but it doesn't stop it. Weird. I don't think there is anything wrong with me (before anyone asks, yes, I have talked to my doctor about it and I really am ok) but it has given me bit of a new perspective about myself. I have a bit better grasp on it. I am more aware of that lump that rises in my throat and manage to guard myself, at least, from prying eyes. I know it will go away eventually, but for now, I've got the waterproof mascara and a good stock of Kleenex.
I haven't talked about this here...actually, I haven't talked about it much at all except to my sister-in-law (poor dear) and a bit to my sock guru...but what's a diary (even a public online diary) good for if not to be a place to be painfully honest with oneself? There are several reasons I have haven't blogged about it. Chief among those reasons:
1) Because, really, if I don't write about it, I can pretend it isn't happening. Denial, I know.
2) When people talk about being emotional, others (kindly) offer sympathy and compassion. And for those of you who have never been inexplicably weepy, let me tell you: sometimes the kindness and sympathy only inspire more tears.
3) I am not particularly proud of not being able to keep my emotions in check. A day or two a month, no big deal. A death in the family, free pass. But two weeks? Bah! Ridiculous!
4) I keep thinking I will wake up and it will have passed.
5) Talking about crying is boring. Yarn? Hedgehogs? Socks? Frankenankle? Much more interesting subject matter.
Oh well. There it is. Feel free to ignore the preceding portion of this post.
Lucky Me
Hurray! I'm a winner!! I've always thought that blog reading is its own reward but today I learned that, occasionally, there is more reward. I was Susie's 2000th commenter and now she's sending me two skeins of her handpainted sock yarn. I'll show ya'll pictures as soon as it arrives. If you have never visited To Knit, Perchance to Dream, you should. She always has something interesting going on - knitting, spinning, dying, family goodness - and she is as sweet as can be. Thanks again, Susie! Here's to your next 2000 comments...and the 2000 after that!!
Planning
I want to knit this baby sweater
from Weekend Knitting for a friend's baby, due in May. The pattern calls for Hemp for Knitting. I've never knit with hemp and while it is comparatively reasonably priced, I wasn't ready to make the 6 skein investment until I knew how it felt in my hands. I ordered these two skeins
from the Yarn Market and sometime in the next few days (weeks?), I am going to knit up a good sized swatch and wash and dry it and see how I feel about it. Does anyone have any experience with this yarn? Also, do any of you have any experience with the Yarn Market? I'm interested in thoughts on both.
Lucky Me, Reprise
Kim sent me a birthday present. Yippee!!! I love presents. This present? Yarn! Alpaca Yarn!!
It is so soft, almost delicate, but not fragile. It is so beautiful. I can't stop touching it to my face. Thank you, Kim!
Special Delivery
My Lisa Souza yarn arrived.
It is very soft. I'm so eager to turn this magnificent stuff into socks. (Lisa, if you are by chance reading this, please skip ahead to the Today's Quote at the bottom of this post.) I love the yarn and the color is lovely. Unfortunately, the color is a little pinker/more orange than I wanted for a pair of men's socks. DISCLAIMER: Lisa told me that this colorway (St. Valentine's) was more of a "true red" and if I was looking for a richer red, I might consider the Garnet. Based on the color I was seeing on my screen, I felt pretty confident going with this color. This is absolutely not a complaint about Lisa Souza or her yarn. The yarn is wonderful and Lisa's customer service is unmatched. Any dissatiscation I have with my yarn is 110% my on resposibility. Whatever the reason, the yarn I have is not quite the yarn I want so rather than order more yarn or make socks that would just be a disappointment to me, I decided to try to overdye the yarn and darken it up. I overdyed it last night using 4 packs of Cherry Kool-Aid. It took the color well but the color didn't end up any darker. Tonight, I overdyed it again with 6 packs of Black Cherry Kool-Aid. It is now busily drying. I'll let ya'll know how it goes. I am feeling pretty good about it. So far, it is looking like I'm getting good results.
Dying yarn with Kool-Aid ranks right up there with felting on my list of knitting magic.
Old Man Winter
We finally got a little rain here today. This is what passes for "winter weather" in Northern California. That said, I am eagerly watching all of your blogs for cold, snowy, frosty winter pictures. (Dorothy is having a gorgeous Canadian winter.) If I can't get snow here (and I can't) I will have winter vicariously through my knitter friends in blogland.
If ya'll are feeling the chill, let me know and I'll sent you a little sunshine! :)
Today's Quote
I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
8 comments:
I guess the crying is a part of it...but lately it's all emotions, on the edge. All of them ready to snap. I feel like I can just as easily start screaming at someone as fall into a puddle. I'm blaming it on the weather...and maybe the fact that I'm forcing a peppy attitude at work so that, you know, they don't ask me not to come back...
There's a lot going on in the world right now that's just beyond awful. I can't believe we're not *all* just crying non-stop about those things alone. And that doesn't even take into account the personal things going on that would merit a two-week long cry. At the risk of making more tears, thank you for letting us know. You're in our thoughts, you kind person, you.
Please, please send some sunshine up here! It's grey, cold and snowy (and nice as it can be, enough is enough already!).
Kristy, you have been going through an awful lot in the last while - maybe it's a good thing that you're so weepy. It has to come out somehow, right? There are times it's better to just go with it (in a healthy way, of course).
Look at all this yarny goodness! I've been so good about not buying new yarn for myself - it sure is nice to oogle yours! :0)
If you want to see some really beautiful pictures of winter you should check out Piece of Beauty's blog. Not only does she sell the most heavenly hand dyed sock yarn, but her pictures of scotland are amazing. I think looking at them will lift your spirits, they sure lift mine. :0)
http://www.pieceofbeauty.co.uk/blog/
The second Girly was conceived the waterworks started and they have only slowed down a little. I can watch most tv now. That guy on American Idol who auditioned for his wife who had just passed, I was a mess before he even finished telling his story.
It will settle. You've had a lot to deal with the last little while and this is your mind's way of letting some of the hurt/stress/sorrow/anger go.
The yarn I'm using for my Fetching is Debbie Bliss Cotton Angora. Very soft and nice, but splitty as all get out.
Kristy! Sorry to hear you've been feeling teary so much. I've known those times. I hope it passes soon for you.
At least there's a bright side - YARN! Yay! heh Congratulations for winning Susie's contest!! Yippee for you!!
And the red! I know what you mean about it not being the "right red". If you're still thinking of tweaking it after the black cherry Koolaid... try RIT dye in "Scarlett". It's a very RED RED. Not pinky or orangey... though who knows what it will look like after the cherry and black cherry Koolaid treatment. But seriously - it's one of the best reds I've found without going to professional acid dyes. If you have questions about it email me!
sock guru...heh! funny!
So, get the Rescue remedy like I told you.
And, the sock yarn looks awesome! You did a super job and I bet it will knit up beautiful!
And, I cannot believe all the goodies you have been getting! WOW! The alpaca from Kim looks awesome! I'm so jealous......
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