Wednesday, April 30, 2008

2008 - A Bad Year for Blogging

So the last several months have gone something like this:

Ankle Surgery
Hospital Stay
Back to Work
No Blogging
Long and Tedious Recovery
Ridiculously Overwhelming Case of the Blues
Stressful Work
Still No Blogging
Guilt Over Neglecting the Blog
Continued Tedious Recovery, Lots of Walking on Crutches
Crying/Hiding in a Corner
Going to Work

And for more than 3 months, I didn’t read any blogs and I didn’t check my email (that was a mess) and I only answered my phone when I knew who was calling – and even then, not all the time. I didn’t go to knitting at the yarn shop on Wednesday nights, though people call and offered to drive me when I couldn’t. Then I felt guilty for ignoring people which made me feel worse and made me cry more.

It was weird, I felt like I was walking around in someone else’s skin, looking at everything from the outside. Clearly, it has been a difficult several months. It wasn’t one particular thing that kept me from blogging. It was a whole combination of little difficulties and for a while I lost my motivation and, honestly, I was kind of hiding from the world. I wouldn’t say I was “depressed” per say but probably, that’s what it was. In retrospect I should have talked to my doctor about it but it was sort of like waking up in a really dark cave – you know it is dark but you have no idea why or where you’re at.

And I’ve missed my blog – and everyone else’s blogs - and I’ve missed the people and the longer I’ve gone without blogging, the more I’ve missed it and the more guilty I’ve felt. And I’ve wanted to respond to emails but after such a long silence, I’ve felt obligated to write something worthwhile and I just haven’t been able to muster up the motivation to write it all down. Plus, after ignoring the whole world for a while, there’s the fear that you’ve (I’ve) been gone so long that no one even WANTS to hear from you anymore, which only makes you feel worse and less motivated.

Thanks so much to all of you who left me comments and emails. When I finally read them all, it was really wonderful and made me feel much better.

Even now, I am still working hard at being in a good frame of mind. For instance, last night at knitting (I finally went for the first time since December) one of the ladies told me that Stephanie Pearl-McPhee is going to be two hours away on Saturday and I desperately wanted to have other plans so I could hide out at home by myself. But then I opened my mouth to respond and before I knew it, I’d said I would go. So I’m going with Deb to the Maker Fair on Saturday.

All angst and anxiety and tears aside, I decided it is high time to post something on my blog – even if it isn’t exciting or useful or meaningful or anything else – and just hope someone reads it.


So enough about that.

I’ve been doing a little knitting lately. I didn’t do any knitting for most of the months of January, February and March. Since then, though, I’ve finished one of Lori’s socks but I haven’t finished my felted Loopy Ewe. I’ve learned to knit Entrelac (The Knitter’s Bible is a super fabulous book. The directions are clear and concise and practical.) I learned the technique and liked it so much, I knitted a pillow top out of some Misti Alpaca Pima Cotton Silk I had. It is pretty (the yarn and the technique) – and I love it (the pillowtop). I’ll take a picture and show you tomorrow.

I’ve knit some more little socks. So cute.

I’ve knit some hats. I’m planning to knit a hat everyday this month. And I’m going to beg ya’ll to knit some hats, too. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Saturday the trip to see the Yarn Harlot. That will be fun. I’m jazzed, since I missed her when she was in Petaluma last year.

I’ve missed ya’ll so much. I think I’m well on my way to getting back in the swing of things. Now I just need to get caught up on my blog reading.

Today's Quote:

"Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I myself have founded empires; upon what do these creations of our genius depend? Upon force! Jesus Christ alone founded his empire upon love; and to this day, millions would die for Him." -Napoleon Bonaparte


marit said...

Yesss-you're back:-)!!! I've missed you, and I've been thinking of you. Please don't feel guilty for not posting, it's your blog, and you decide whether or not to blog!
I've promised you a card- but I'm not one to ride the horse the same day I saddle!
The yarn is beautiful! I keep handling it and looking at it, still haven't decided what to knit with it- but it looks fab on the shelf too:-)
Wish I could join you for the Harlot experience...have fun!
Take care-nice to have you back:-)
Hugs, marit

Diana said...

OMG - you're back, you're BACK, you're back!!! I was so afraid that something horrible and catastrophic had happened in your life. (Not that depression is a cake-walk.)

I've really missed your posts, but mostly I'm just so relieved that you're in one piece and ready to re-engage.

I only commented once before on your blog (pointy sock toes) but have read along since the Grandmother Purl blanket. Have a great time seeing the Harlot!

Diana (in the east bay)
msdrh at sonic-dot-net

Charity said...

Oh, Kristy, I'm so glad to see you're okay. We were really getting worried about you. It's wonderful to hear you're coming out on the other side of a few rough months - good for you for hanging in there! :0)

Deb said...

I am so glad you are back and blogging. I thought I was going to have to do a post titled "She's Alive!!!!" just so people would know you were okay and all. I am so glad you decided to say yes to going to the Maker Faire. I would never have guessed that what you really wanted to do was hide. It's going to be a blast. See you early Saturday morning.

Oh yes, as you can see from how quick all these comments went up, you are far from forgotten my friend. Love you.

RC said...

see?? I told you you were missed and everyone would love just to hear from you!

I'm so psyched you're "back". you really should have talked with your dr. a major surgery and pain meds really mess with brain chemistry!

have fun at the harlot and talk to you soon!!

Kim said...

Thank GOD! I've been thinking of you so much...and was worried. Now I am relieved and happy to hear from you.

I missed your blog ramblings - go see the Harlot. Don't cancel, you're back in the saddle now!

Susie said...

So I'm *not* the only one. Whew. I think my reasons for not blogging pale in comparison, so I'm gonna get back on the horse too.

Kristy, it's so good to 'hear your voice' again. You've been missed and I hope that you realize it...there are a lot of us who look forward to your posts.

Sending big hugs your way~

:::And now I'm off to have a grandchild in Louisiana:::

RobynR said...

Kristy, I'm so glad you're back. I think that sometimes stuff just happens and we need to hide for a bit y'know?

Dr. B. said...

Oh, man! Like everyone else, I've been checking in on the blog and have been getting increasingly worried about you. Sounds like it's been really rough-going, and understandably so - all the terrible things you went through last year were enough, and then this latest surgery? Ugh.

I hope reconnecting with everyone makes a dent in the darkness. Depression is an incredibly powerful force that certainly uses isolation to keep its strength going (e.g., Depression is all, "They don't want to hear from you. You don't want to go knit with friends. Why bother?" and then it hammers you b/c you're alone.).

We are super glad you are back! Looking forward to seeing what you've been making...

Big hug!

Jessica said...

I have missed hearing from you! So glad to hear you are starting to emerge from the woods. I think we have all been there!

kit said...

I understand about feeling guilty for not blogging when you're down! I tend to hide from my blog when things are bad for me. I do the whole hiding thing, often it seems because I don't function well, but I'm working on it. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here. It's hard, but you CAN do it!


Stefaneener said...

Depression is no joke, at all. I'm so glad you're back (even in a little way). Good for you.

I'm going to be there on Saturday too -- maybe you'll notice me with the multiple children, wandering around.

Tactless Wonder said...

Glad to hear you haven't fallen off the face of blogland.

I blame the time I take off/away from people/the internet/etc. on winter. December thru May is harder on me than any other time of the year...and I really couldn't tell you why...

Stefaneener said...

I didn't make it to the Maker Faire -- I'm so sorry. I was stoked to meet you. did you go? Did you have fun? Blog it so I can participate in absentia.

Laura said...

I went through a period of time like that last fall and into the winter and then early this year and I feel like I'm barely emerging from it. It takes so long to really come back to yourself.

One thing I promise: you will find healing in knitting and much healing and comfort in spending time with your knitting friends. I Promise. Make times for those things. XOXOXOXOX